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February 23,2007

QueQui QuintanaRoo Newspaper

The Mind is like a Sewer Part III
The beauty of this process

The beauty of this process is that it is so simple, it doesn't require any effort and it is available to all of those who wish to awaken to the great abundance of Grace direct from God. Diksha is a transfer of energy, a phenomenon of Grace, which creates an opening through which you can experience the true desires of your heart: Love, God, Joy, Peace, Healing… directly and completely.

Suffering is caused by our own resistance to experiencing reality 'as it is'.
We are living the illusion that there actually exists "a self" that can in fact control this reality.
Also being programmed genetically with a fear of "death" also limits us to experiencing a type of slavery to that reality. When this sense of 'self' and separation disappears is when we truly begin to actually live.

Diksha is a transfer of Divine energy which helps us to disidentify from conflict and suffering,
taking us to states of inner peace, joy, happiness and Oneness.

Diksha starts a process of awakening the Divine Presence inside you,
taking you towards Oneness enabling you to see the reality of what you are in every moment, healing your body, your relationships, and recognizing the divinity in the experience of the present moment….
You, your freedom and your liberation is what is most important to me.

This is an experience from one person who has received Diksha:

I would like to share the immense joy I’m experiencing these days... What is clear is that the process has manifested itself into a wonderful state...
You find yourself there with the Divine in a Whole-Oneness State, where all dimensions meet. And you see your whole life taking off, each event in a string, united like one drop of water so closely next to another in a flowing river of your life and then all rushing together like a water fall. It is amazing, absolute, and unique.
Thank you, Ines.

A person who seeks learning knows more and more,
A person who seeks enlightenment knows less and less
until things just are what they are.
Lao Tzu

The Mind is like a Sewer Part III
by Kiara Windrider

“The mind is like a sewer. “We cover it up with a golden lid, but the stink comes through anyway. It fills the entire house, but we are so busy admiring the golden lid that we don’t perceive it. We do not know who we are. The lid is composed of other people’s concept of ourselves, which is the only way we know to refer to ourselves. We get attached to these images of ourselves.”

Let’s examine the sewers of our mind. Until an alcoholic ‘hits bottom’ he cannot overcome his slavery to alcohol. Likewise, unless we fully experience the slavery of our minds, why should we seek liberation?

When I really began to ‘hit the bottom of my ugly mind’, a great sense of uneasiness began to grow within me. My social persona began to dissolve, and I began to see in great detail the games I played with people in order to manipulate them and get my own way, all the while attempting to present an image of myself as kind, loving, wise, honest, and spiritual. I saw my judgments and comparisons, my jealousies and resentments, all the while desperately trying to convince myself I was spiritually evolved.

I watched my aggression and rage, and then watched the suppression of my aggression and rage. I watched the conflicts within my mind as I struggled to forgive, still resentful on the outside, still plagued by guilt inside. I watched my need to be perfect, to be special, and to be unique. I watched myself reacting defensively to any assault real or imaginary, towards the cherished spiritual identity that I had so carefully built up over the years.

I began to witness with utter horror the immense insanity and ‘ugliness’ of my mind, which Bhagavan defines as any kind of self-centered activity. I could see this extending into even the most spiritual of motivations. Was I being good because I was conditioned to be good? Was I striving to impress someone by my saintliness? Was I helping because I was afraid to say no? Did I love because I wanted to be loved back? Did I want to be recognized for being wise or wonderful? Was I feeling so empty inside that I had to run around from workshop to workshop filling myself up with every high that came my way? Did I talk about dying to self only to use it as yet another building block in my spiritual edifice? Did I want to be in total charge of my life, even when I stated I was in service to the Divine? Did I feel the need to even achieve enlightenment by my own efforts, finally placing the crown of enlightenment upon my own head?

I saw how needy and inauthentic my entire life had been. I saw that this wonderful personality that I thought myself to be was nothing but a mind-controlled robot. As I continued to observe, I noticed that over the years I had built a whole set of identities around myself. The spiritual identity was the worst one of them all. I was a spiritual teacher and a healer. I was sensitive and compassionate. I was a good person. I had a mission to heal the world. I was wise and loving and deep. I saw that I had become so identified with this image of myself that these very identities became a mask. I found myself carefully protecting this image lest someone see through me into a place that was vulnerable or uncertain, angry or lustful, unloving or fearful, ordinary or shallow, depressed or shy.

I saw my desperate needs for approval, for acceptance, for love. I noticed how I was eating up the world around me in order to survive. More is beautiful, bigger is better. I noticed how true this was for me, whether this had to with a material identity or with spiritual experiences. I noticed how I was dressing up my vices to become virtues. My fear of others becomes my need for ‘solitude’. I cultivated ‘humility’ because I didn’t have the courage to stand up to abuse. I ‘loved’ because I was too afraid to be alone. I embarked on a mission to ‘save the world’ because I didn’t have any other planet to go to. I couldn’t find any love anywhere. I recognized how unloving I really was, how fragile and hollow my ego was.

I realized that I didn’t really like people. I related to them for what they could give me, whether it was love, things, money, recognition, or opportunities for advancing myself. Perhaps they recognize my light or tell me some nice things about myself. Or perhaps it gives me a chance to tell myself I’m better, wiser, more advanced, more learned, more loving than they are. Or perhaps I get to feel touched and warmed by their light, because I really didn’t believe in my own.

I saw that I was forever comparing myself to others, and my sense of self came from how I felt others perceived me, and whether I thought I was good enough or lovable enough or beautiful enough. And so of course I had to put on my best face at all times. I had lost my sense of spontaneity and childlike wonder. I had lost my ability to live from my soul. Indeed, I doubted if I had ever really known my soul. All I knew was a spiritual labyrinth of the mind.

Then things got really insidious. Afraid of giving up its hold, the mind began to generate uglier and uglier versions of itself. I found myself experiencing enormous depression, self-condemnation, paranoia, and pain, desperately feeding this last illusion as if it were the only thing that was real. I found myself re-living the deep conditioning of ‘original sin’ from my teenage years. I was a worm crawling in the dust, worthy only of suffering. Indeed, it was this suffering alone that redeemed me, and the more I suffered the more I was redeemed. Suffering became the ultimate meaning of my life.

I went further back to the conditioning of my early childhood. My needs didn’t matter. Others mattered only. I didn’t exist for myself. I was nothing. I was powerless. I was empty. I suddenly realized that my lifelong struggle for enlightenment had its origins in this longing to give meaning to this emptiness.

That was it. I had reached the bottom of the sewage tank. There was nothing more the mind could churn up. I drifted off into sleep.

During this entire process, I felt an enormous wave of relief each time a realization hit me. It was a relief to crawl out of my hole of self-pity and self-condemnation, it was a relief to take off the masks of spiritual ego, and it was a relief to see the ugliness of my mind so that I no longer had to maintain the struggle. I saw that the struggle was only the ‘me’ trying to convince itself I was good as opposed to something else that was ‘not me’ that I could identify as bad. I was continually projecting this bad onto other people, or to outer circumstances, or to shadow aspects of myself that were somehow part of my ‘subconscious self’.

When I could see myself in all my ugliness I could finally come to terms with reality. I wasn’t frightened by it anymore. I no longer needed to resist it, or even to take it personally. I even became a bit bored of the whole drama. After all, it’s not even my own mind. “Strangely, when you see your ugliness clearly you no longer need to act it out. When you see your ugliness clearly, you no longer need to behave ugly”. When I gave up trying to ‘look good’, I could truly be myself.
The war with the universe was over!
I invite you to examine the sewers of your mind. On the other side is freedom.

Alexis is presently working in Mexico City.

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