What else is life, if not relationships? Could you conceive of yourself without
any relationship whatsoever? You arise in relationship with your father, mother,
brother, child, husband, education, nation, gender, home. In fact you are
relationships. If you remove all these relationships, where are you? Think about
it and find out if you exist or not.
You suffer because you try to understand. Trying to understand and finding fault
would never help. It is like peeling an onion, you could keep on peeling and
arrive nowhere. If you were to read psychology or philosophy to try to explain
understand the other, there is no hope for you. You judge because you do not
feel connected to the other. If only you would have learnt the art of
experiencing the other, whether your spouse, parent or child - you would be in
I often give an example of a strange couple I met. He was a dean of a
college, she was a vegetable vendor. He was handsome, well-read, cultured and
prosperous. And she was the opposite. There marriage was
strange because they
got into an agreement before marriage that neither would ask the other to
change. He experiences her wild and rustic ways, while she experiences his
dignity and calmness. Neither trying to change
the other. It is one of the most successful marriages I have ever seen. 25 yrs
of marriage, they still have life in their relationship.
If you could experience
your wife as she nags, screams or yells at you, that would be most beautiful.
Similarly as your husband bothers, troubles you or is indifferent, if you could
experience him without trying to change him, you would experience joy. This is
the only way you could set right your relationships bx relationships then become
a source of joy. If you know this art of experiencing your spouse, you are then
not only happy with your spouse, you are happy with everything in life. You
would then experience a cup of coffee, the banana you eat, and your everyday
morning walk - you would know you are walking in heaven - it might look
difficult to you, well it is not!
The accerated change, which is the characteristic of modern civilization is
having a telling impact on human relationships, families are breaking apart. The
worst hit is the children and youth. What can they do to help their parents.
As you start relating to your parents with greater love and concern, strangely
you would find that they would start relating between themselves in a better
way. So children could bring about a better relationship among parents by
improving their own relationship to the parents. It is not given to you to
condemn them or judge them. If you would love them and respect them, you would
find things automatically working out for you. Parents want you to be their
children. You should not try to advise, argue or dictate to them - if you
experience your mother or father dominating you, without resisting it, it would
give you great joy, that itself would transform your parents, in the course of
time you would see your own parents coming together. This has happened any
number of times among the youth.
not love, emotion is
not love, attachment
is not love,
possession is not
love. In the
moment when you
discover real love,
you will also
discover a deep
connection, you will
connected with your
parents, with your
in the world.
connection, life is
not worthy of being
lived. Love is
to be discovered.
It will happen.